Peace of Mind tips

Sometimes life gets in the way of what we really want to do. I love blogging. What a terrific way of creative expression. Somewhere I got stuck. I got involved in making big plans for my family. We had a huge celebration, a B’nai Mitzvah, which is a Bat Mitzvah (for girls) and a Bar Mitzvah (for boys). I have twins, a boy and a girl, that were born Christmas Eve. We decided to celebrate their coming of age in April, after they were 13 years old, and before they became 14. And so, intense plans, that were started two years prior, with choosing a date and location, went into high gear with invitations, photographer, DJ, centerpieces, food, parties, favors, guest lists, transportation, lessons, clothes, hair, makeup, etc., together with working, raising my family, finding the money to pay for it, and daily living. This was not easy. It was a huge effort and my blogging took back stage.

This was a momentous day and event in our lives. It all came together beautifully and we have memories to last a lifetime. Our joy was short lived by the passing of my sweetheart’s twin sister, who was too ill to attend. Her passing was tragic and hit us hard for the first few months as it does still. Then in June, our beloved Zippy, a sixteen year old English Springer Spaniel who was my puppy before the kids were born, had to be put down. At that point in my life, making that type of decision, changed me forever. Three weeks to the day, my aunt passed away, and I had to go to her apartment to identify, as the closest living relative. My cousin, who I am very close to, came up from Florida, as did her fiance and his son from Toledo, and they stayed with us for two weeks. My cousin stayed on another two weeks and then went home to prepare for their wedding in November. Then her older brother passed away and she was back up to New York for the funeral. When she returned home, she was served papers stating that her sole surviving brother, was suing her for half of her inheritance. Then her fiance called off the wedding.

This weekend was supposed to be her wedding. While her fiance still went to Florida and held a dinner party that night, she and I escaped to Gurney’s Inn in Montauk to pamper ourselves. She did great considering. I, on the other hand, have not gotten back to myself yet, loaded down under all this loss. My cousin is working on moving forward and I am there for her, to listen and offer support. We help each other and  it’s a good thing. We have a lot to be grateful for and now I feel that I’m back. That feels good.

This sounds like a knock-knock joke, right? This is how it works. I subscribe to Seth Godin’s blog which is brilliant and inspiring. In just a few words, he gets me excited about marketing again and I see it through a whole new perspective, which is what marketing is all about. Thank you Seth. And then I share it with my co-workers and they get inspired too. That’s viral, as we pass it on and then they pass it on.

We work in an office building that has been renovating our bathrooms now for three months when we were told it would take six weeks. You have no idea how much this effects our work day and routines. What we took for granted, just running down the hall, we now climb the stairs to the 4th floor or use the restroom on the first floor, when we enter the building in the morning or leave at night.

My positive attitude has approached this situation by touting the benefits of using the stairs a couple of times a day and getting the extra exercise. It really is annoying and inconvenient, especially being a water drinker. However, I am patient and know that some day the bathrooms will be finished and peace will reign the floor again. Others are not so patient. Another positive aspect has been the bonding with the other disgruntled, inconvenienced residents of the floor. We report to each other any progress or delays we scrutinize.

After a long gap, work started again with a new set of contractors. On their first day, one of the workers shared with me that he saw a very unusual incident. My interest was aroused. He stated that he saw another worker, not from his crew, come to our bathroom and remove the doors to the stalls. He then stated that the same worker ripped off the doors, vandalized them, and also took all the doors to the fourth floor restroom as well, so we now couldn’t use that bathroom either. We now were delegated to the 1st and 2nd floors only.

This was shocking and I went to the 4th floor to check it out. There was a sign on the door stating it was “out of order” and where we had to go. I went in anyway, and sure enough, the stall doors had been removed but not taken away. The water was working so I used the room as it was meant to be. I heard the other women came to the door and leave, not bothering to enter, explore or scope, taking the sign on the door at it’s word. When they saw me leave the room, they were puzzled, since they believed it was truly out of order. More followed in my path. It just was a matter of time.

In the meantime, I had been telling every one I saw on the floor that the stall doors were ripped off as per the worker from the previous day. There’s that viral marketing again as I am sure they passed the word. Today the maintenance man for the building stated that the doors were only removed not stolen. I felt bad that I had bought into an untruth and was spreading it around. I believed a stranger as I watched other people believe the signs on the door. Too trusting.

We like to gossip and sharing pains bonds people. Some things are annoying and we have to live with them and/or make the best of it. Bad news travels fast. The good news that the bathrooms are finally renovated will travel faster!

What happened to fun? It seems it disappeared in the fear and uncertainty of this overwhelming financial and political disaster. I miss it and I want it back now. Life is fun and enjoyable. Sure, these are tough times and it’s scary. So is a world devoid of happiness, joy and hope. Maybe fun is hiding somewhere?

Halloween is lots of fun, a great opportunity to dress any way you like and live a fantasy even if it’s only for a day. Birthdays are fun when you do what you want. Play is fun. Laughing is a lot of fun. Fun is not boring, its engaging. Life feels full and sweet.

My barometer is tuned into all that I am doing that is not fun and I don’t want to do that any more. I want to bring fun back and leave this dreariness behind. I believe the sun will come out tomorrow and we’ll get through these days with some fresh ideas and creative solutions that will make life better for us all.

Every weekday I drive my children to school for several reasons. Most importantly, I have their full attention for the few minutes it takes to make the drive. We talk about the upcoming day, “Do you have tests?”, “Good Luck”, “Are you staying after school?”, “What time?”, “Is that kid still bothering you?”, “Are you bothering him?”, “Ignore them”, “Listen to your teachers”, “to make good friends be a good friend”, etc. I get to coach them, we set intentions and they listen.

Sometimes we sing and talk. They each get to pick one song and music gets us in a good mindset to start the day, especially if it’s one of our favorites.

Recently, we have been listening to the original soundtrack of Man of La Mancha with Richard Kiley and we are strangely addicted to the music, lyrics and synergy. It is as if we all take on the day as Don Quixote and Sancho. We sing with gusto and animated gestures through our favorite tracks. It juices us and we are pumped, getting us through the lags of the days with purpose and pride. My daughter usually asks me if I am crying yet when the “Impossible Dream” comes on. I always am indignant and say “No!” until I start crying and high five her. She smiles. This is the best morning booster, anytime really, and I love that I am teaching my children that even if it seems foolish, do the right thing, even if people make fun of you for it. Be kind and “right all wrongs”. My favorite lines “My destiny calls and I go, and the wild winds of fortune will carry me onward, whithersoever they blow,..onward to glory I go!” Whithersoever indeed!

In preparation for my makeover show, I tried an experiment on Saturday, our day to run errands and go to Barnes & Noble, one of my family’s favorites stores. I decided to try “dressing up” instead of throwing on some shorts, T-shirt and flip flops. I put on a cotton summer dress and make-up, that I learned how to apply at a recent cosmetic makeover.

My kids didn’t know what to make of it and wanted to know where I was going. When we got into the car, it would not start and the battery was dead. These things seem to happen to me whenever I make the leap into fashion. I am reminded that my real life is messy, dirty, and sweaty. The kids were smart and retreated inside while I sat in the hot car trying to read the manual and figuring out what happened. Roadside Assistance came to my rescue, charged the battery and life was good again. We piled back into the car, did our errands, and when we got back in, the battery was dead again! In this big shopping center’s parking lot, with people constantly coming and going, no one would help. We trekked back to B&N knowing that one of our friendly sales people would be willing to lend us cables. One of the employees helped jump start the car, we thanked every one and raced home.

On the brighter side, my sweet, generous and wonderful boyfriend offered to lend us his prized baby, a black Mercedes CLK 350 convertible, which terrified me to drive. I didn’t want to get it dirty or risk damaging his car. We enjoyed going out together in this beauty, with the top down, and he parks it in his garage, with a cover, and it is meticulously clean, as is everything he has and does. I, on the other hand, have a more relaxed approach to house and car cleaning. My car has strewn magazines, straw wrappers and old French fries wedged in the back seat. We live in different worlds and it balances out.

He wanted the kids and I to keep our Sunday plans to visit friends in Easthampton for the day and we take the Mercedes. The top is down, the music is loud and we don’t even care how long it takes with the traffic. Driving this car is a dream and the kids do not eat in the car, not even neatly. My friends are impressed with us, even though they know it’s not mine, and enjoy the treat of driving in the convertible to the restaurant. Even the long drive home was a delight.

Monday morning arrives and I drove my daughter to her first day of Broadway Camp in the Mercedes. We cried on the way over and didn’t quite know why except we were happy, excited and soaking in the admiring glances of the drivers passing by. I even got dressed up, for me, on a Monday morning. I met other nervous moms with kids in the class and bonded. When I drove to work, the top was down and the music blaring. I enjoyed the ride to work more than I ever had before in my life. Now that’s the way I like to start the work week. I’m getting there…

We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open. — Jawaharlal Nehru

With the date set and the days ticking by, I am in bride motivation gear. What’s that you might ask? The pure will and determination to make a landmark event the best it can be and to look your utmost best. Brides lose weight quickly and easily, exercise like mad, and get in the best shape of their lives so they look beautiful when they walk down the aisle. The challenges and sabatoers of previous attempts disappear miraculously. It is almost effortless. There is a mission and it’s to make it all great, the wedding, the party, and all the minutia details. It’s a force unto itself.

I know, I did it five years ago. The weight I put on when I was separated from my sweetheart added pounds I had never seen before. It didn’t take long to put on since eating has always been a comfort. Sometimes I just didn’t care and gave in to the instant gratification of chocolate and ice cream. Then he called, we made plans, and boom, I was off and running. We planned a small wedding in three months and I lost almost 30 pounds. I looked great, the wedding was perfect and the marriage only lasted a year. However, that was an incredible time and the feeling of orchestrating a major production is something I will never forget. What we can accomplish with the right motivation! If I did it before, I can do it again and that’s how I like to feel.

When I got to the gym today to tell my trainer the good news and that I wanted to kick up my workouts a bit, he told me what was stronger than bride motivation. Mother of the bride motivation. Well I have a way to go before that. Let me just get through the makeover first and and then the B’nai Mitzvah (Bar and Bat Mitzvah of my twins) next year.

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” — Maya Angelou

Woah! I got the call from the production company. They want me to be on the first show of the new series. She told me I am perfect. I am honored to be chosen, as if I auditioned for a role, (which I actually, technically did, although it was called an interview), and I got it. I will be on TV and the filming will be soon, very soon. I was totally myself at my natural best. Honest, open, enthusiastic, optimistic, and relaxed. Not a stitch of make-up on nor did I care. I was comfortable having the world see me that way. To me, it was a type of unconditional acceptance of myself. Maybe I won’t think so when I see myself on camera or perhaps the contrast of my makeover will be that much more dramatic. It’s all good.

The bottom lime is I like who I am and feel very lucky most of the time. Being filmed at home, answering good, thought provoking questions, (kudos to whoever thought them up), made the process seem less about looking pretty and more purposeful regarding the thoughts behind the choices I make. My favorite question, again, was the one, “Was I always like this?” which caused me to shift and I went back to times in my past when I wasn’t so comfortable with myself. It was a good reminder of how much I’ve grown.

What’s important to me now is based on different criteria. I am not interested in impressing others in the same way I was when I was younger. Self acceptance and being true to my values are what rules me now. I know no other way and that’s what I teach my children. That’s not to say I’m not out of my mind, crazy, excited about being on the show. I can’t wait to see what they are going to do with me. Self improvement and finding new ways to be at my best is right up there too, as long as it fits into my life style easily, and now I have the best mentors. Can it get any better than that? I think not.

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. — Janos Arany

What is it about some one that makes us “like them”? What are the qualities that we are attracted to? What’s the formula for the chemistry between two people? It starts young, very young, when you get excited to see some one at school and your day begins with a smile at them. Then you get older and it becomes a secret. What if they find out? So embarrassing. Friends torture us with “I know who you like” and “I’ll tell”. The person finds out and then you wait to hear if they like you. Some times they do and they are shy, some times they don’t and you cry. We ask ourselves if we are attractive, lovable, and good enough. We tell ourselves “they probably won’t like us”. Heart breaking.

Then we get older. “Will they love me forever?” or “How do I break up without hurting their feelings?”. My favorite was “What was I thinking?”.

Relationships can be the most challenging. We are vulnerable and can get hurt badly. Even if we keep trying to take chances with love, it does not always work out. Why? How come we don’t learn from our mistakes and why do we keep making the same ones over and over again. Something has to give. We need to stop doing the same things and start looking at love through rose colored glasses and forgive. Forgive the imperfections and expectations — ours. People are not going to do what we want them to do and we need to love them for who they are with all their imperfections too. Then we can relax and start to have fun while we open our hearts.

There’s a lot of us out there who believe in love, soul mates and that miracles can happen. I expect miracles. I have experienced so many that I have no doubt. I am at my best when my heart is open and that’s where I prefer to be. I am lucky that in my life I am surrounded by love. It is a gift. There were long periods of time when I was alone and that helped me to learn to love myself and make room for others.

My cousin is starting to date after losing her partner almost four years ago. She loves her life in NYC and her freedom to go wherever and whenever. She also knows she doesn’t want to be alone. After talking a bit about the ideal relationship she would like, we talking about miracles. My saavy, cool, street smart cousin talked about seeing South Pacific at Lincoln Center and listening to “Some Enchanted Evening”. What woman doesn’t imagine seeing some one across a crowded room and eyes meeting. She softened and allowed herself to dream for awhile, even at almost 70.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.” — Anna Freud

What does it take to make us feel strong and confident? Is it something that changes depending upon the situation and circumstance? Sitting at my desk, working with my clients, I feel confident about my abilities to help them, be supportive and encouraging. A dear friend will be going into the hospital for surgery in a few days and I can tune in to how I can be there for her and her family. My thoughts go to her constantly and I am holding her hand with all my positive energy, mentally squeezing her hand every once in awhile, just to let her know I’m there. We practiced and she got it. My senses tell me she will be fine. I have no doubt. Trusting myself has been a long time coming. I just do it now without question. It’s been a work in progress and I’ve paid my dues for not listening.

Then I get a call from my children and they tell me about their aggravations of the day. Boom, I’m thrown, frustrated, angry and irate. How dare anyone cross the line with my children and hurt them in any way! As I catch my breath and gather my senses, I find some words to deal with the situation and deflect until later when I get home. I think about what it is that I want to teach my children. What are the seeds of inner strength and confidence that I have planted within them. Ultimately, I want them to like themselves and feel good about who they are. They are loved, appreciated and heard. How they learn to react to their situations will come from them. They will make mistakes, as we all have, and they will learn what works and doesn’t. If they like themselves, no one will be able to talk them into doing anything they don’t want to do, and that I know they own and i am filled with gratitude for that. If only I could learn to not react and let them find their own way through, the lessons will be more meaningful for all of us.

Seriously, to get out of our comfort zones, do we really have to go to the extreme, or can we take baby steps? It is scary out there, no kidding! The urge to play it safe can be overwhelming. What if we fall? What if we fail? What can we lose? However, what is the cost of doing nothing? We stay where we are or maybe we lose a lot…Time and energy that we expend worrying about the future when we can be doing something about it. Money we could be investing in our future, education, businesses, &/or strategies. We hold back because there isn’t any certainty. The only certainty there truly is, if we do nothing, nothing changes.

How to get out of the comfort zone remains an individual choice on how we deal with risk . Some dive in for the fun and excitement of it, like jumping in the swimming pool or ocean, and some dip a toe, then a foot, until the heat urges them on or the cool breeze keeps them content where they are. What is your risk style? How comfortable are you in stepping out of your comfort zone? Has it changed over your life time or remained constant?

As a child, I would jump in feet first, feeling the abruptness of the cold water and taking the plunge. It was fun and exciting. I watched my grandmother stand by the edge of the water, dipping her fingertips and hands in, and cooling herself off with small splashes on her arms and legs. Once, when I was very young, she was holding me and a wave swept her feet and we crashed down. It was scary for a few moments, being pulled by the undertow, and she had enough and went back to sitting on her beach chair. For me, I loved it and even though it scared me, I knew I could get back up again, go back in or sit it out. I still love that feeling of the ocean waves and the undertow. The ultimate letting go and riding the waves. When I get mentally stuck, that’s where I go, boogey-board in hand, into the ocean for a quick ride in letting go. I come out pumped, breathless, with a new perspective and exhilaration. It works for me.

“Man is most nearly himself when he achieves the seriousness of a child at play.” — Heraclitus